I am Stupid

I do not know how to react... I do not know what to say... Did I expect this to happen or did I not expect it at all? After what happened on Wednesday, I knew I didn't make it .

I wanted to have a job so I could help with the finances here in the house and so I could  help my family in the Philippines as well but if I'm not going to be given a chance then how will I be able to do all these? Is this the KARMA that I am facing right now? This is the second time I got rejected from a job application this year, I do not know what happened. Does my charisma just vanished? Was I not enthusiastic with the job that I am applying for? Or is it because I am really stupid?

I hate myself for being so dumb during the interview. Why didn't I get to answer those questions? Or if I did, what did I say wrong? Did I answer the questions logically? What is it with me? I am so stupid, freaking idiot!!! Those were just simple questions but I didn't get to answer it confidently and appropriately. My Gawd, what is happening to me? Is this the punishment I have to experience so that I could value my work next time? I have no idea what it is? But I am not questioning God, I am questioning myself!!!

I can't take rejections very well... I cannot take this... I really wanted the job but they don't want me... Stupid, stupid, stupid bitch! :-(

Sudden Depression

I felt a sudden depression after revealing my High School crushes. I have been actively participating OLSHS group for 3 days now, procastinating every comment to make me reveal my crushes. But this morning, I have decided to come out and reveal my 2 crushes, although these Elementary and HS crushes were my ex boyfriends. It was just so funny to exchange comments with someone you haven't talked to in your life but discovered that you have certain connections with them and came to realize that you were able to make them laugh.

Do I really love to be on the limelight all the time? Am I an attetion-seeker type of person? Or am I just really friendly? Or was it because I have no friends here in New Zealand that's why I tend to communicate with my colleageues more often on Facebook.

Whatever it is... I feel sad all of a sudden... I was wondering... what could be their reaction if they find out that they're my crushes... sigh... I don't know... I feel like I have no one to talk to so I just blog about this. I just hope that this sadness is just due to my restlessness. I  still have 2 homeworks to do and I have to prepare for  my very special guests who will visit us tomorrow and will be with us for 3 days.

Note to self: This sadness will pass soon... :-(